If You Only Knew…

If you wish to not read these things, that’s fine. I am sharing these things because I want to do so. I don’t need advice or how to solve my situation. I have heard plenty of times that God has a plan. I know!

 

Who am I to say that God’s plan is imperfect?What He does is always perfect. His will is to be obeyed.

 

I know I am not always thinking how perfect Your plan is, God, but I now it to be so. Am I so discontented that I have to try and make what I want or wish to happen occur in my time? Like I know what is best more than You! I truly don’t know! I am not You. I can’t see what You can. Help me to always remember that.

 

With that being said, sometimes I could really use a BEA meeting. BEA stand for Baby Envy Anonymous.

 

I’m going to be real here, not like I haven’t been from the beginning. Every time I hear or read about someone I know who is pregnant two emotions come, every time! Happiness for them. Sadness.

 

Yes, I have baby envy. I want children! I want everything that goes along with them.

 

And no one understands these feelings except God. You have no idea what it is like for me. I smile sweetly, but inside I’m crying.

 

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE ELSE! This is ALL my struggle!

 

And so I pour out my heart to God in sorrow, pain, and tears. Collect them. Store them. And when my hope becomes reality, I will cry tears of joy.

 

 

Far away from here, in my dream world, I am a mommy of 8 children (yes I said 8 children!).

 

I can hear them run in the house, their little feet making “pitter patter” noises on the floor. And I wonder how much longer I must wait.

 

God, help me be patient and content with what I have.

 

How can I long for something so much?

 

God, help me to realize if even my longing for children takes Your place in my heart!

 

For I love You most of all!

 

 

Leave a Reply