Archive for October, 2013

Oct. 19th, 2013

Chapter 2 of “You’re Already Amazing” by Holley Gerth

 

Your Strengths

“When you attack yourself, you side with the enemy.”

 

I won’t list all the strengths I circled. lol

 

Your Skills

“Watch out, world! We’ve got skills and we’re not afraid to use them!”

 

Again, I won’t list all my skills lol

 

Your “Who” (who you minister to using your strengths and skills)

 

I feel especially drawn to: People. Usually kids, young teen girls, women.

I’m at my best when I’m with: People. :) Usually kids, young teen girls, women.

God has give a tender spot in my heart for: People. Usually kids, young teen girls, women. Broken people in need of care.

My strengths and skills seem to help: kids, young teen girls, women.

 

Chapter 2-Go Deeper Guide

 

1. List of the top three strengths.

Encouraging

Creative

Sensitve

 

2. N/A :)

 

3. Being too sensitive I get hurt easily, but it may help at times when a situation calls for sensitivity and it isn’t given.

 

4. List of top three skills. #5 is putting the strengths and skills together :)

Acting-Communicating  -strength would be Sensitive

Decorating-Creative -strength would be Creative

Encouraging-Listening -strength would be Encouraging

(wow these strengths and skills lined up pretty well uh? :D)

 

6. Listing heart, personal, and functional relationships. I won’t share these :P :) lol

 

7. It seems God wants me to use my strengths and skills with People. Specifically  kids, young teen girls, women. (Mentor?? Be one and get one??)

 

Father God, You know my strengths and weaknesses. I love being around people mainly kids, young teen girls, and women of all ages. I could never be in a room of all men :(  My past would come back too much. I know that one of my biggest strengths is to encourage others. Help me to reach out to people. To use my strengths and skills for Your glory. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

Oct. 18th, 2013

Sitting on the front porch eating and listening to cars go by, some too fast, and children play across the street. Their laughter makes me smile. Loud music blares. Flies swarm on my tray where my food used to be. A gently breeze blows our autumn flag and rustles the tree leaves. The sky is a beautiful blue with strikes of white running through it.

 

I realize I may not be the only one in the world, BUT I may be the only one who sees things the way I do. That’s why I share my thoughts. Just maybe God will use me, wretch that I am, to touch a life. He may just show you Himself like He has never shown Himself to you before. Not because of me, but because of Him who abides in me!

 

The sunshine is so bright. It hurts my eyes when I look that way. Isn’t it the same with Jesus? When the SON shines, His glory lights up everything and it’s hard to look right at Him.

 

Shine Your glory, Lord, so that all I can see is You! :)

Oct. 17, 2013

Birdsong is being drowned out by a lawnmower. I know people need to mow, but I personally want to hear the beautiful song the birds sing in praise to the King!

 

Today…oh today is Thursday. Thanks Be To God Day! What are you thankful for?

 

I missed Tuesday! :S Ha! So today I am also going to have Truth Day :D THE TRUTH! What kind of Truth have you found this week? I’d love to hear it!

 

I am hearing the Truth come through my story. Here is a small part of chapter 9. It’s the last paragraphs.

 

As the sun slowly set behind the mountains, Philomena whispered the words of the Psalm. “I lift up my eyes to the hills…from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”

<That’s it, child. You are on your way. Keep coming. I will meet you in the still and quiet. Here I come!>

Oct. 15th, 2013

Today I read Psalm 8 for Our Daily Bread devotions. The devotion talked about childlike faith. Do we as adults still see God in the same way, with the same eyes as we did when we first came to Him?

 

Maybe, but probably not. The cares and woes and worries of this world cloud in. We forget what it is like to be childlike in out faith.

 

Somewhere along the line someone told us we had to “grow up” and we aren’t as awestruck as we once were. We don’t see God’s glory and all that He is as special as we used to.

 

And we wonder why we are where we are.

 

These are just the thought, feelings, and words of this daughter of the Most High God. You don’t have to read them. You don’t even have to agree with them if you do read them.

 

I’m not worried about you getting what I’m saying. Not one bit. BUT are you listening to the voice of God? Are you REALLY and TRULY listening to Him?

 

If so, are you obeying what He has said? Are you in a relationship with Him or not?

 

If you are in a relationship with Him, did you know that means sometimes you are silent while He speaks? You do not always have to speak, but I suggest listen up…listening well…all ears and with all your heart when He speaks to you. What He has to say is very, very important. You don’t want to miss it for anything.

 

Drop what you are doing. The cleaning can wait. The job can wait. The stomach can wait.

 

Does the Bible say anything about God waiting on us to get our act together? hmmmmmmm good question.

 

I see a lot of verses about waiting on the Lord, but are there any about God waiting on me?

 

That would make it seem like He would have to wait on us to not be broken, in need of help, weary, etc.

 

But rather we go to Him when we are broken and weary. He heals us and fixes us. He does wait, I believe, for us to come to Him instead of forcing us to hurry up.

 

I will reference the story of the Prodigal Son here. I love that story. Before the son steps onto the porch…the father sees him in the distance and starts to run to him.

 

Can you just see Father God doing that for you? For me?

 

Between times with Father God, and we finally take some time to be still before Him. He is SO excited, overjoyed to see us coming. He runs to us. Maybe He is calling our names.

 

“John. Sue. Tara. Carol. Michele. Pearl. Ashley. Jonathan. Benjamin. Renee. Daniel. Jennifer. Paul. Allan. Mark. Peter…” The list of names is endless.

 

He’s so excited and He calls your name. When He gets to you, you try to say something. “I’m sorry for taking so long to com to You.”

 

But you only get out “I’m sorry for taking…” before His arms are around you. Maybe you start to cry. You forgot how wonderful Daddy’s arms wrapped around you feels.

 

He picks you up. He carries you in His arms, on His shoulders. And you feel loved, special.

 

Stop. Halt. Slow down. Sorry to intrude on your sweet reunion. Do you know what some people have said in chat rooms and other places?

 

God loves us all the same. Well, yes He does, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t special to Him individually! That is just so there is no jealousy between us!

 

Shifting gears a bit…I have some things I need to share. There won’t be easy. Yup, it’s confession time.

 

If children are a blessing, does that mean those of us without children aren’t blessed? And yes, I’m asking this seriously. Oh but you are blessed in other ways. That may be, but saying that to me, one who wants children so much doesn’t really help.

 

How about this…yes, I covet what others have. Namely children.

 

Maybe you are like oh great now she is talking about this again! Can’t you just get over it!?!?! It isn’t that simple. You don’t just “get over” the death of a loved one do you?

 

For me, this is just as devastating. What you can do is pray for me and be a listening ear. I just need people to lift me up in prayer and encourage me, especially at the times when I’m the weakest. Don’t we all need those kinds of people?

 

Father God, thank You for today, for the chance to spread Your Light on more day. Thank You for listening to this woman’s cries, hurts, anger, and the times when I just want to give up. BUT there are also times when the joy is so overwhelming all I can do it smile and dance. Thank You for those.

 

Daddy, I would like to ask just one thing from You. Could You please send Your glory, Your healing, no not just to me, but to all who read this? We all could use some time protected under You wings, held in Your arms, and carried on Your shoulders.

 

The awesome thing is You can do all those things for each of us. You can protect, hold, and carry us all at once!

 

I love You, Daddy.

 

Thank You for wanting me and for showing me that I am Yours and I am amazing!

 

Love,

Your Little Girl

Oct. 14th, 2013

So if someone asked me to go for coffee or in my case tea and they asked me how I was REALLY doing I would say…

 

Better than I was yesterday! I think I was so lonely. Even though I know God is always with me, I got lonely. I wanted to talk with someone. You do know that it is okay to be, to feel lonely sometimes, right? We weren’t meant to be an “island” and go about life alone. No. We NEED each other.

 

AND even though my husband, God blessed me with such a wonderful man, works here at home I still get lonely and want to talk! ha!

 

It helps to be able to have someone to talk to at least for a little bit each day. I feel like if I don’t talk to someone…I will burst at times. I love conversation.

 

And I’m not always one to start conversations. Sometimes it takes me awhile to realize that I do need to speak up. I DO need to talk to the woman sitting alone. She might need a friend, too.

Oct. 13th 2013

Oct. 13, 2013

 

It’s raining again. I’ve just skimmed and read the first chapter of “You’re Already Amazing” and I realized something. I don’t know the last time I sat and talked with a close friend. I don’t even know if I really have one.

 

Sure. My husband is my closest, best friend, but I don’t really think I have a friend, another woman who I talk to and it hurts. When I was reading about the author asking her friends out for coffee, I tried to remember the last time someone asked me to spend some girl time one-on-one with them. It has been probably four years or more.

 

No wonder I feel like I don’t have any close, female friends. They have either moved away or live so far way from me. Or do those around me think I have close friends already?

 

Well, I don’t. It’s a part of me that seems so empty. I’m left out of the group. I don’t know how to join because some people have been friends for so long that I don’t want to intrude. Besides, what could I possibly offer that they don’t already get from someone else?

 

So, I stand on the outside looking in. Feeling so alone and vulnerable.

 

Would someone come and be my friend? You know…someone I share my struggles with. Who I can be totally honest with and open like I am here in my diary (blog). Someone who I can share my joy with, my sorrow with, and my dreams with.

 

I’d like that. I’d like them to share those things with me, too.

 

But where do I find such a person?

 

I’m like a floating piece of driftwood. I go floating by and no one seems to notice how lonely I can get.

 

No wonder I can’t see my worth. I can’t feel like I’m enough to have as a friend.

 

People would say…don’t find your worth in others or things. Yes, but do you have friends? Do you meet and spend time with your friends? If so, you don’t know where I’m coming from.

 

For most of the time that I have written this, I was crying. Am I not enough to be a friend to someone? :(

 

God, I could really use a friend. Is that okay? I’m so hurt and broken. The page is blurred again. I feel alone and I don’t see a way out. So please could you please help. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t belong, like I’m not enough, that I’m so not friend material.

 

Shhhhhh…it isn’t a secret anymore. My heart is torn and it’s uncovered, showing everything. I’m so vulnerable. Anyone could hurt me right now, but God, I know You are holding me in Your arms. You aren’t so far away, and You understand this cry of my heart.

 

I leave it at Your feet to do as You will. I am broken. I am torn. I am healing. I am crying. I am me. Your little girl desperate to be wanted and needed. Desperate to be enough.

Oct. 12th, 2013

Note: This is my diary entry from yesterday when I started reading a book called “You’re Already Amazing” by Holley Gerth. A friend on facebook at recommended this book and I already had it! So I didn’t need to buy it. God KNEW I needed to read it!

 

Oct. 12th, 2013

 

Well, I’ve only gotten through the Intro “The Dare…” in “You’re Already Amazing” and I started crying! A little :) I didn’t even get through one page of the chapter without crying!

 

Chapter 1 answers to the “study” questions: (I’m sharing this so you can see how this book is affecting me. I’m not trying to do anything that is wrong or illegal! :S lol)

 

1. If you had coffee with a close friend today and she asked how we were really doing, what would you say?

Broken. Beat. Tired. I get exhausted hearing all the things that some women can do in one day. Like I’m in pieces…not whole. Hurt and pain-Physical pain and emotional pain run rampant. I can’t even say it all for fear of not being seen as my usual cheery self. I’m wearing a mask at times to cover my anguish.

 

2. Which story at the beginning of the chapter did you relate to the most?

The counseling client I think I relate to most. (She had the “voice” telling her she would never be enough!)

 

3. Do you ever feel pressure to be like women in the media? Share one example.

Yes. The ones that seem to have it all…husband, kids, career, etc…they seem to have it all together and are perfect. The ones I’m so far away from being like them. I could never measure up!

 

4. “She is______________.” Fill in the blank with a few words your heart most needs to hear today.

She is loved.

She is enough.

She is beautiful.

She is wanted.

She is chosen.

She is called.

 

 

5. “Most people don’t, but I….” Finish the sentence.

Most people don’t, but I find joy even in the little things of life, of creation.

Most people don’t, but I write most if not all my feelings down.

Most people don’t, but I try to encourage people even if they haven’t asked for it.

Most people don’t, but I try to be who God wants me to be even if I have to remove the mask daily, I will.

 

6. Write a prayer asking God to heal your heart and make something unexpectedly beautiful out of your hurts.

Father God, You know my hurts, my heart. You know how broken I can be. Please heal my heart. Make it whole even if the pieces are put back in such a way that people can see the “damage.” I ask that You bring something unexpectedly beautiful-beauty from ashes-from this broken heart of mine. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

 

7. Read Psalm 139 and write a prayer that includes phrases from it below.

Father God, You have searched me and know(n) me! Nothing is hidden from You. Yes, God, I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Help me to grasp what these words mean and to realize that I AM enough! I pray this in Jesus’ name, Amen!

If You Only Knew…

If you wish to not read these things, that’s fine. I am sharing these things because I want to do so. I don’t need advice or how to solve my situation. I have heard plenty of times that God has a plan. I know!

 

Who am I to say that God’s plan is imperfect?What He does is always perfect. His will is to be obeyed.

 

I know I am not always thinking how perfect Your plan is, God, but I now it to be so. Am I so discontented that I have to try and make what I want or wish to happen occur in my time? Like I know what is best more than You! I truly don’t know! I am not You. I can’t see what You can. Help me to always remember that.

 

With that being said, sometimes I could really use a BEA meeting. BEA stand for Baby Envy Anonymous.

 

I’m going to be real here, not like I haven’t been from the beginning. Every time I hear or read about someone I know who is pregnant two emotions come, every time! Happiness for them. Sadness.

 

Yes, I have baby envy. I want children! I want everything that goes along with them.

 

And no one understands these feelings except God. You have no idea what it is like for me. I smile sweetly, but inside I’m crying.

 

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE ELSE! This is ALL my struggle!

 

And so I pour out my heart to God in sorrow, pain, and tears. Collect them. Store them. And when my hope becomes reality, I will cry tears of joy.

 

 

Far away from here, in my dream world, I am a mommy of 8 children (yes I said 8 children!).

 

I can hear them run in the house, their little feet making “pitter patter” noises on the floor. And I wonder how much longer I must wait.

 

God, help me be patient and content with what I have.

 

How can I long for something so much?

 

God, help me to realize if even my longing for children takes Your place in my heart!

 

For I love You most of all!